What?
by CookieTower
Summary: "Sister, who is with child?" "You are!" Ukraine chirped. Ivan gaped at her, pointed to himself and then to his stomach in disbelief. Ukraine nodded. "что!" - Ivan is pregnant! Matthew is the father! What the hell is this! Oh my God! RusCan oneshot


What is this? I don't know… I just. GAH. This story is actually thought of by an awesome person in the most awesome Facebook group EVAR. You see, I was lurking in theGiving In (you know, that awesome RusCan story?) group on Facebook and then there was this suggestion for a plot. I couldn't get it out of my mind. And it feeds the fan girl soul, yeah? :P

**Warnings:** Suggestive scenes, Male Pregnancy (Don't like, **don't** read. RAWR.), horrible grammar, stupid author, fan girl stuff, BL and blah blah blah.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia!

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Today was the beginning of another week-long World Conference for the nations of… well, the world. It has been a long time since all the nations have met up with each other. It was hard to get one scheduled these days especially with the current crises prevalent. So they were bossed around by their respective country leaders and kept away from their kind for weeks. It was quite understandable that the nations missed each other's company…

That is why right after the first day, Russia and Canada eagerly ran into the former's hotel room and started groping.

"I-Ivan, ah… please…"

"Hmm, please what, _Matvey_?"

Matthew whined. He really did not want to be straightforward now of all times. He could be quite frank in most conversations or when he scolded his brother, but really; did his lover have to make him blunt and shameless with need right now? Well, they have been deprived of one another for a long time but still, he was timid even in bed so there.

"Ivan… please, j-just-" Matthew gasped before he could finish as Ivan seemed to have given him some mercy and touched him right where he wanted. He bucked into the strokes, grasping Ivan's broad shoulders to support himself. The Russian chuckled huskily, amused by his lover's actions, and unceremoniously pulled Matthew towards the bed.

A few moments later, they were devoid of clothing.

Then the room was full of unabashed sounds of pure pleasure.

This continued all night until Matthew passed out and Ivan finally decided that he had ravished the Canadian enough—for tonight, at least.

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The second day of the conference came next after that night. Ivan left his lover in his room to sleep in because he thought the younger nation would appreciate it. As he walked through the corridors of the hotel, he felt a bit strange. There was something in him that didn't feel comfortable. Was it the breakfast he had eaten? It was only hash browns, toast and some coffee…

While lost in his thoughts, he had arrived at the conference room. The room was halfway full, he saw, so that meant that he did not need to wait long for it to start. This would mean Matthew will really be late but that was okay – he had a feeling Matthew wouldn't be able to stand up straight for awhile.

Ivan scanned the room and found his big sister, Ukraine, waving at him. He smiled and walked towards his sister, took the seat beside her, and saved the seat next to him just in case Matthew forced himself to go. He watched in slight amusement as the present nations chattered, laughed and bickered in their own little groups.

Then his stomach clenched.

Ivan felt like throwing up but fought hard not to show it on his face. His sister seemed to have noticed though.

"Ivan, are you all right?"

"D-Da," said Ivan with a faint smile, "I am okay—"

"Brother!"

Ivan jumped slightly and turned stiffly towards the owner of the voice. He visibly paled as the familiar platinum blonde ran to him and tackled him into a hug.

"I have not seen you for so long, brother!" Belarus whined childishly but Ivan just shivered. His stomach acted up again and he let out a gagging sound. Belarus noticed, "Brother, what is wrong? Are you okay?"

"Da," he said, "Do not worry."

Belarus frowned but loosened her grip on his brother and sat on the chair Ivan had reserved for Matthew. He wanted to protest but his gut protested more.

The wait for the actual start of the meeting continued. The nations have increased in number and somehow their voices have also increased in volume. Ivan groaned in annoyance and impatience, but did not do anything to relieve himself. He still felt like puking and the meeting took too damn long to begin. Somewhere in the room, his name was called and he groaned again in irritation. He did not want to deal with that idiot right now.

"Hey Russia, where's my brother? What'd you do to him, huh?" America shouted as he stomped angrily to Ivan's seat. Belarus stood up, blocked the American's way and crossed her arms haughtily. "Hey!"

"You will not bother my brother, he is not feeling well."

"We've all been feeling bad for awhile now," America snorted, "Hey, commie-bastard! Where's Mattie?"

"I told you not to bother my brother!"

"And why do you even matter?"

"Just go away before I cut you."

"What—"

Ivan tried to tune out the loud verbal fight near him. Apart from his ruined stomach, he was now suffering from a terrible headache. Ukraine rubbed his back in an effort to comfort his brother. "Ivan, I think you need to go back to your room for today."

Ivan shook his head wordlessly. The action made his head spin and he gagged again. America and Belarus silenced and turned their attention to the Russian.

"Dude, you don't look so good."

Ivan tried to glare at the American but only succeeded in making his head hurt even more and was the room spinning? This isn't good.

"All right everyone, let's begin the meeting!" Germany announced.

The moment everyone settled down on their respective seats, Ivan lost consciousness.

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When Ivan finally came to, he was staring into a white ceiling. Bright fluorescent lights stabbed his eyes harshly. He was lying on bed and a familiar beeping sound resounded beside him. When his hearing slowly focused, he heard voices whispering.

_"Believe me, Miss. I do not know how this is possible as well, but this is what the data says."_

_"But how can that happen? Ivan is—"_

"S-Sister?" he mumbled and blinked away the wisps of unconsciousness, "Where am I?"

The hushed voices stopped conversing for a while then hastily continued. There was a soft closing of a door before his sister materialized beside him. Ukraine was smiling widely. The woman patted his brother's hand and breathed out before speaking.

"Brother, we are in a hospital and," she started, a smile still plastered on her face. "Do not be surprised, but I am going to be an aunt soon."

It took a while for him to process what his sister had just said. Ivan's eyes went wide and he shot up from his position upon realization of what she meant. "Belarus is pregnant?" he screamed hysterically. "Who is the bastard who impregnated my little sister?"

Ukraine laughed making Ivan utterly confused, "No, brother. Belarus is not pregnant."

The Russian blinked once, twice, then thrice, "What?" He asked dumbly. Ukraine just smiled even wider. Now that was weird. Russia does not know of any other sister. He only had two. How could Ukraine possibly say that she was becoming an aunt if Belarus was not pregnant? It was not like he had a wife, if you consider Matthew a wife that could bear him a child. Or perhaps one of his 'brothers' had become an expectant father? Wait. Why was he in a hospital to begin with?

Ivan blinked, "Sister, who is with child?"

"You are!" Ukraine chirped.

Ivan gaped at her, pointed to himself and then to his stomach in disbelief. Ukraine nodded. "**что**!" he uttered. _He_ is _pregnant_?

The door of the hospital room flew open and the nation of Canada was pushed in unceremoniously. A menacing Belarus followed after him and shut the door again.

The young female nation whacked Matthew's head in anger, "Take responsibility!"

"I—I, what d-did I do?" the Canadian stuttered, rubbing the area that has been hit. "W-what happened to Ivan?"

"You happened!" Belarus cried, "You impregnated my brother!"

Matthew gaped at the angry platinum blonde, much like how Ivan did to his elder sister. "Ivan is…?" he trailed off. A small smile dawned on his features, but faded quickly and turned to the Russian, "B-But how? We're both guys! A-a-and…" Matthew flushed a bright red and averted his gaze.

"I—I don't even top you."

"Da, you do not." Ivan sighed and chuckled. Matthew spluttered.

After some awkward and weird discussion with the rest of the family (Ukraine insisted that Matthew's family should also know about it as early as now) with Belarus and America's bickering and Ukraine and France's blissful dialogue about their future niece or granddaughter as the highlights, Ivan and Matthew are finally left alone for the mean time.

"I can't believe I am going to be a _Papa_ in nine months…"

"It still has not sunk in that _I_ am _pregnant_ though."

Matthew pouted at the Russian, "You don't want to?"

Ivan sighed and opened his arms for the Canadian to rest into. Matthew accepted the offer but repeated his question with his voice slightly cracking. Ivan laughed, "Of course I want to. It is just surprising for me, da? I mean, compared to me, you are more likely to carry our child."

"Well," Matthew huffed, "Sorry for looking too girly. But I guess Mother Nature proved you wrong and made you pregnant." He stated then smiled at Ivan. "Do you think it would be a girl? I hope it's a girl!"

"You seem very enthusiastic about this." The Russian laughed, "Though, I still think you should be the one with child."

"Oh shut up. How would you feel if people told you that you look like a woman?" The Canadian whined and pressed a kiss onto Ivan's stomach, "I hope you come out soon. Nine months is such a long time!"

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"I-Ivan, are you sure you're o-okay?"

"I am fine, Matvey, do not worry!"

"But-"

Before the Canadian could continue, Ivan ran into his room and sat on his bed. Ivan was so embarrassed. He clutched two pieces of clothes' buttons tightly in his hand. He stood up and walked to a cabinet and pulled out a sewing kit from one of its drawers. He sat on the bed once again and glared at the well-endowed mounds on his chest.

He sort of understands why he suddenly grew large breast. Because he's pregnant, of course his mammary glands will start to produce milk for the baby. Though study shows that men can produce milk as well, studies have yet to explain _why_ he had to grow boobs _this_ big.

"_I-It's bigger than mine!"_ Ukraine had gaped and grabbed her own chest in disbelief. Ivan blushed at that.

It has become very awkward for him lately too. The huge shirts he has in his closet were not even big enough to keep a perfect allowance for his chest so he can breathe. Whenever he wore buttoned-down shirts, the stitches of the buttons give and break. Matthew can't even look at him directly without blushing because Ivan's endowed chest distracted him. Not to mention how much his back hurt. It was already hard for him to carry a child in his belly, for God's sake!

"Uhh I-Ivan," Matthew murmured from behind the door.

Ivan paused momentarily from his stitching and answered, "It is okay, _Matvey_. I can just mend this. We do not need to buy maternity clothes for me."

"B-But," the Canadian stuttered and opened the door, "D-don't you want to buy some things for the b-baby?"

Ivan stopped his mending and smiled at the Canadian. Matthew had his eyes fixed on the floor and was scuffing his foot bashfully on the floor and a light pink dusted his cheeks. Behind him, his hands were linked and a long piece of paper was trapped in between.

"You made a list?" the Russian laughed, forgetting about the gaping hole on his chest, exposing his breast.

Matthew looked up and went a brighter shade of red upon sight of the endowed glands. Ivan noticed and grabbed a blanket to cover his chest.

"A-Are you sure you don't want to buy new clothes?"

"It is not really amusing to dress like a woman, _Matvey_. More so, look like one.

"O-oh." silence, "I told you so?"

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A few months later, a cute baby boy was born. Matthew nearly cried at his foolishness and frowned at the amount of baby girl things he bought beforehand.

"Maybe I can dye them blue." Matthew inserted between his soft humming as he cradled their child safely in his arms.

Ivan was busying himself with arranging the baby's bed, "Or save them for the next."

Matthew stopped humming, "What?"

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So yeah… Oh God. I actually wrote for a different pairing. I thought I'd never do one for another pairing. Not that I don't like this pairing. I LOVE RusCan...And USCan... And PruCan... and UKCan... and *rambles*

Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes! I hate proofreading. :| I hope you enjoyed this little story somehow… I had to slap myself several times to stop myself from adding angst into the story… That's probably why it lacks the crack-ish humor that I wanted. ;w;

**Please review! Please review!**

_Edited: February 26, 2012, but I know I still missed a lot of mistakes._


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